My wife has these crazy sexual drives from time to time. In the highs we would have sex multiple times a day. And then the lulls would come. No sex for weeks. I recently caught her cheating on me. The sex was fantastic during that time. Now when I look back at these highs, it kind of all fits in. Been feeling sick since then. What should I do?
Talk to her about it? Ask her why she's cheating? Is it purely a physical thing? And then you have to ask yourself... is it something you can get over if she stops? And is it something you can live with if she doesn't stop? And you need to be brutally honest with yourself when answering those questions... the answers might hurt now but it'll hurt worse if you lie to yourself and you have to deal with the truth later.
May be she’s struggling from mental issues. Please, visit doctor. Be nice to her and figure what’s going on in terms of her mental issues. May be childhood issues . Mind you, she may be struggling from psychological issues. Please, relax and combat it together. Don’t try to demean and show disgraceful behavior. After all, with medication and doc’s advice things may change 😎 Good Luck 👍🏻
Be nice? The OP has a legitimate reason to be angry and if he's feeling angry/upset/betrayed those are all valid feelings. And I'm not saying that he shouldn't be supportive of his wife seeking help if that's the case and that's what she needs. But just because she may have those issues and need help... doesn't excuse her behavior. It gives her behavior context but it doesn't mean he can't be angry and isn't allowed to feel betrayed. His feelings are just as real as whatever reason she had to cheat and ignoring his feelings won't make the situation any easier on anyone except for her. And if they truly want to get through it and move on together, she'll need to acknowledge that her actions hurt him tremendously.
Yeah, this is horrible advice.
What’ll he achieve with anger ? I understand it’s difficult .. all I am saying is to figure out the truth 🙂
I am sorry you are hurt. I am not a therapist (you should talk to one, it is private and not shameful), but here is what I can tell you from experience. It depends. Are you the kind of person that loves her no matter what, or the kind that holds a grudge? Feeling sick about it is a mix of broken trust, possessiveness, insulted ego, fear, and any other number of emotions. It’s a very difficult mix to untangle, especially if you are not, like most people are not, a self-reflective person. I would highly recommend talking it out to yourself, rubber-duck-debug it, and decide how you want to feel about it. Tell it to yourself like a story, something that happened to a character in a book, and ask yourself, what is this character feeling, what does he want, what happened next. Verbalize it, and ask yourself, how does this character feel about this decision after it happened. How about that decision. In what situation would this character find happiness? Your “self” is a story you constantly tell yourself, what defines you are choices and aspirations you draw over your life from books, stories, role models, family, friends. By consciously choosing what story you tell about yourself, to your self, you can change your self Your emotions are a horse, and you feel like a rider with no control. I can tell you from experience that you can decide how you want to feel about it to some extent, but only if making a decision freely, not because it is expected of you in some way, owning it, and giving yourself permission to change the decision later. And, go find a good therapist or very good friend you can talk to. Also, at an extreme, having a one night stand (no money involved) can help validate that you are still desirable and can give pleasure. Though that can go badly if the person you go out with is not nice. How you continue to feel about it is a choice you can make. If you stay together because you “have to” forgive her, you may grudge it forever in back of your mind. I think you can get past it (i did) if you make a specific and conscious choice - “yes, this happened. I choose to stay with this person because I care for them. I may change my mind later” If you feel pressured into staying together only “for the kids”, do not, bad bad idea. Kids are smart and would be happier with two separate sets of happy parents, than one set that hates each other. If you forgive her, but over time see that this is something you will always hold against her, do not continue - you will be poisoning your life and you don’t want to spend second half of your life stewing in hate and resentment. But this is something that you may decide over time, not immediately. There are different kinds of relationships possible, not just monogamy. It is possible to have multi person relationships (though, even harder than monogamous, more members means more potential conflicts). It is possible to have relationships with primary partnership and open relationship only for sex. It is possible to be happy because of your partners happiness (compersion). All of them, like any relationship require trust and communication though. Starting something like that at the point where trust was just broken is probably nearly impossible, i am just mentioning it because it may be something you can explore eventually if trust is rebuilt. Check out a book called Ethical Slut, it is interesting and describes how such things can be built and what the frequent pitfalls are. It can give you some food for thought in the future (not saying this is something you will feel like doing now). PS: realize that she does things for whatever her reasons were, or possibly no reason at all, but that there is no reason she can give that will make you feel all better like it never happened. Hurting her would not make the pain go away either. The choice you make is a choice that has to come from you and that you need to own wholeheartedly - any choice that you make for “external” reasons leads to buried resentment and regret. Whatever choice you make, you should own, but you should also give yourself permission to make a new choice later, the choice you make now is not a final choice - none are until you are six feet under. PPS: any choice you make for your self is fine. Really. It’s fine to decide that you love her and you want to work it out. It’s fine to try, and if it still does not work, call it quits later. Its fine to call it quits now, and change your mind later and get back together. It’s fine to call it quits and find someone else. It’s fine to leave and move to Australia if you like. I would not choose to get physical with her or with the guy - not worth it, and will not solve the pain. Her reactions and choices going forward can be factors you consider but do not dictate or force your choice. Your preconceptions of how you “should” feel or how a “real man” “should” behave are also just illusions, you can choose which of them you want to apply, if any. You really are free to make a choice. If you make your choice with that in mind, you can own it.
I didn't read any of this but mad respect for having the patience to write all this on your phone
Extremely .. well said. This advice reflects reality and is simple .been in this situation myself and did exactly what pinkdino just Said. I just also thought to myself as well “if she was completely satisfied by me, heart and body and truly loved me. There would be no space in her heart or desire for someone else”. “ a like maybe but not that big of a passion where it lead her to be with someone else” once I looked at that I made my choice. Also again as it is said in this advice, the kids will always want your happiness and the relationship between you and them is not the relationship between her and you.
Are you up to the task? Do you finish quickly? Do you have to take Cialis to get a hard on? Do you indulge in sideshows like water sports and bukkake?
I like how you think, let’s party. Although I think you meant to post this in the “hookups” thread?
Threads need hooks
She could be bipolar. Best not to approach this with total anger at first, even if it's hard not to. Who know what's going on with her. Sorry that happened.
Sorry to hear that! I was in the same phase! I ignored it and moved on but still making me feel very annoyed at times! That’s what life is.. we have to deal with it.
Sounds like she wants to find herself as a single woman with her own income and limited child rearing responsibility. Sorry you chose such a "free spirit".
Op you need to talk this out with care and affection. Anger doesn’t achieve anything. Even if you she just cheated because she wanted to, talk it out, and then plan you next steps. Anger doesn’t lead to good judgements
Wish I could. Just that its illegal. I have my precious kids to think about.
Hey Shady, focus on Drumpf. We've moved on from women, remember?