I have been in the arranged marriage circus since almost 3 years now. Most difficult phase in my life so far. For those of you who have been through it and are happy in your marriage - any tips on how you avoided wasting your time/being tricked? Were your parents involved along the process to get the 'superficial' things out of the way? (caste, horoscope, family's status , background check... blah blah) Did you discuss deal breakers early on ? I am trying to not waste my time going around in circles. Part of me wants to be very straight forward and clarify all deal breakers in the initial conversation. But that would throw off most guys. Got serious with 3 guys so far: 1. Guy one turned out to be someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder ... did not disclose initially about his recent break up, told me once i was emotionally invested, was extremely controlling, lacked trust, was forcing me to move to his city etc. 2. guy 2 lied to me about wanting nuclear family. after I was emotionally invested, said he expects me to live with his parents. I would have been willing to try , but then he says I must stay with them even if people arent getting along. besides, was overly ambitious and workoholic and couldn't give enough time. 3. guy 3 ... again someone who had just broken up. We started to like each other. It was long distance. When we finally met, circumstances were not great on that weekend. He fell sick. Weekend got ruined. He gave up and also said he needs time and is not ready. phew! PS : I have no problems with 'arranged marriage'. My parents let me chose the guy. They are just helping me find someone I might like through matrimonial sites and their circle of people. i dont really consider it to be arranged marriage as ultimately me and the guy take decision.
Is there a reason you're only going through arranged marriage sites and not general dating as well?
I am in Boston. Not many Indians around. Social circle is mostly girls who are in the same boat as me. Besides, dating feels like a big black hole. Too many people just exploring / wanting to hook up. Anyway, eventually parents play a huge role in decision making process. Why waste time dating only to realize later our families aren't approving ? Seen it happen with way too many friends. Not opposed to me marrying non-Indan. But cultural differences are keeping me from dating outside Indian community. Too much of a disconnect.
Hmm, interesting. Makes sense as you describe it, it just have a hard time imagining my parents having such an effect on my dating life. Sure I'll take their input, but honestly they have about as much effect on who I date as you do.
🙄
Don't partake in an archaic practice. Rise above.
Above, to where?
To 2019. I can't believe this still happens.
TC might explain a lot
Nope. It wasn't an issue. M not chasing FANG.
You mean you're personally not chasing FANG jobs or you're not chasing FANG men (or both)
When in doubt Optimize for tc
😂😂😂 best thing I have seen on internet today. You are cute
Yeah know your deal breakers and be upfront and don't start it if it obviously doesn't work out for you. The larger the network the more choices and higher chances of success.
I hate to ask this, but TC ?
Let's be real you don't in fact hate to ask this
Take it easy ! I thought it was a good Blind joke :)
You male or female ?
Bruh.
How do u know, "bruh"? Uname indicates fluidity in gender.
Doesn’t sound like arranged marriage to me. You are just finding dates through parents who help you filter out some of the bad ones.
This is what most arranged marriages in India work like at present.
The marriage regret posts on Blind suggest that Indian culture is still medieval
Read “algorithms to live by” Optimize not just the marriage but also your life. Don't settle for less than O(1)
Have you read it? Or just trolling? ;)
I don’t think it’s a troll. They discuss the secretary problem in detail in this book. This is exactly what the OP is going through.